August 29, 2011
Wife, daughter, mother, grandmother,and great-grandmother.
Born again Minister of the Gospel of the Kingdom!
_____________
~ Still Learning ~
I learned the depths of forgiveness through a very difficult time in my life, and I am still learning. God's protocol is generally to have us minister on something we have life experience with. Thereby we connect with the person we are talking to because they will know that we are "real"; and have been where they are, and that we can relate to them and their circumstance. Therefore begins a new TRUST.
After many years of struggling and raising children alone and after two failed marriages, and many failed relationships, I met and married a man that was a strong disciplined person. I could always count on my husband to stand up for me, to help me, to take care of me. Finally I was a happy woman, my life was going real good. I got saved, born again, baptized in the Name of Jesus, by the Blood of Jesus, in the water, and in the Holy Ghost with Fire. I did it all and, I believe God for my very life, the lives of my husband and children. I believe in God with all that is within me, and that belief still grows everyday, as He constantly watches over me.
Then one morning about 2 years later, I woke and I felt as though the bottom fell out of my world. I got very ill, the majority of the illness took place in my "mind". My body began to do and react in ways that was foreign to me. I could not focus, I became very fearful of everything, closed in spaces, wide open spaces, driving, sleeping, not sleeping. I had a terrible foreboding feeling all the time! I was heading for a deep dark depression and did not think that I could stop it. GREAT FEAR set in!! We must remember the scripture about "Fear, doubt and unbelief", they work together and feed from each other.
I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride. I felt like that ride they have at Six Flags, with the parachute, they would lift you hundreds of feet in the air and then just drop you!! Sometimes I would feel like a lava lamp, where the fear and anxiety slowly but surely creeps up on you and you can feel it happening, but can't do a thing about it. I was going through a new thing!
I went for two solid weeks and did not sleep more than 15 minutes at a time. I lost 30 pounds very fast. Test after test and they could not find anything physically wrong. I was simply diagnosed with anxiety; panic attacks and depression. I remember one Doctor wouldn't even look me in the eyes, he was so tired of my office visits. So he just finally gave me medications that would only cause me more problems later on. He could not help!! The prescriptions, well they just made it far worse. So much so that now, not only was I not able to sleep over 5 to 15 minutes at a time, but I was now having horrible, terrible dreams and I began hallucinating whenever I was finally able to sleep. My body would literally jerk so hard at night while sleeping it would wake me. My body reacted like someone had shocked me. My life had changed!
I was so scared, and I was afraid to tell anyone, for fear that they would think that I was really mentally ill, afraid of the fear, afraid of my own thoughts. I felt FEAR grip me at many levels. It was the most paralyzing thing I have ever felt!
"If you believe in God Winnie why didn't you pray and ask for help?" I did,,,all the time, I played christian music, I prayed while I tried to focus and clean house, or bath or cook, or just relax...I remember one night I was having a terrible time, I was wandering around my house outside and just fell to my knees and cried out to the Lord for mercy and help. I cried until I could not any longer. I want you to understand so that you know I have been with the LORD!
This was one of the hardest times of my life and I could not seem to sense the presence of God. I had always believed that God was my healer, but I was so sick; I had fasted and prayed, I had done all I knew to, and still I was no better, so I continued to take yet another medication I was given, and at least was not having the hallucinations. I continued to BELIEVE GOD! See, once you are born again, there is something deep down inside you that just "Knows", it is in a place hidden from the enemy and it is just a knowing, God will bring you through, you can't see how, but HE will bring you through. It's the inner man in us, that spirit that we have been born again with, and with that is the power of God that works on the inside of us to keep us. He is with you in the fire. This is a Spiritual walk! You have to know God for yourself! All that can pull you through is Your Faith in GOD!
Of course the Lord healed me and was with me all the way through that time. And when I came out from under that black heavy cloud, I had to repent, I had to ask God to forgive me and thank Him for His forgiveness. Then I had to work through the process of forgiving myself...that was a little more difficult because I felt I had grieved the Holy Spirit of God. I knew I was not suppose to fear anything because it is opposite of Faith,,,but I was horrified that I was losing my mind...The Holy Ghost spoke to me and helped me through all the months I was so sick. But I felt I was letting HIM down. Let' face it, forgiving self is very hard, but when we know our God and all that He has done for us, it becomes very do-able.
Light dispels darkness! I am an over comer so are YOU! Through Christ Jesus and His shed Blood!
I have been sexually abused myself personally and all 3 of my children, physical, mental, emotional abuse, manipulation, being controlled and bullied are a few of the things I personally have experienced in my life. And through it all I have learned how to Forgive, but only by the Grace and Mercy of My Father the Lord Jesus..... I needed a lot of forgiveness from the Lord and others....He has shown me the Clear Path to do that...and it is wonderful! I hope my story can help the one reading this, or that you know someone that could benefit from it....you are welcome to share! God bless as you read.....
We Win!
The enemy loses
Remember one thing: We are not under the law of Moses, we are under the New Covenant Law, with better promises. Jesus said that He gives us a New Commandment, Love the Lord with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself. In doing this we fulfill ALL the new law of Life. Now in the old testament they had fear all the time; "Don't do this, you can't do that, don't go there, you can't be here, you can't eat that, can't wear that". They had over 600 commandments, and if you broke only "ONE", you were guilty of breaking them all. You were stoned to death for some. So they walked in fear allot.... Today we are "FREE", from those laws, Jesus took our sins, we are bought with His Shed Blood, and no one can take us out of His hands. He forgave us much, even knowing that some would reject Him. Once we are born again by His Spirit, our eye of understanding is opened.
Colossians all 4 chapters!
After the Lord moved us back home I realized I had learned much while in the wilderness for 12 years...it was a place of training for me. I knew in the city that we lived in for that time, I knew I was sick, I knew He was my healer, I knew I was healed, I knew I still felt the sickness, but I still felt I was letting Him down. There were times when I asked why Lord, most of the answers came after I moved back home. But, He did reveal to me most of my questions.
To this day I still find that forgiving is a daily walk, it's daily that I have to check myself. I am learning to forgive immediately, and if it doesn't work that way, then I ask the Holy Ghost to help me! There are some people that are going to be a bit more challenging than others,,,Jesus did say "If it is possible be at peace with all". So He knew we would face some tough situations. But, we must let go of pride and just Forgive,,whether they forgive you or not, forgive everyone everything and go forward!!!
I hope that you enjoy this site. I pray it helps you in whatever area you need help in! I know one thing...if you are here it is because the Lord Himself guided you here by His Spirit. So stay awhile, relax, read and enjoy! Be sure and drop me a note.!
God bless you and remember,,"there is NO condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus"
We can be Free of fear and we are Free to Forgive!
Colossians all chapters
2 Tim 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, but of love, and of a sound mind.
After many years of struggling and raising children alone and after two failed marriages, and many failed relationships, I met and married a man that was a strong disciplined person. I could always count on my husband to stand up for me, to help me, to take care of me. Finally I was a happy woman, my life was going real good. I got saved, born again, baptized in the Name of Jesus, by the Blood of Jesus, in the water, and in the Holy Ghost with Fire. I did it all and, I believe God for my very life, the lives of my husband and children. I believe in God with all that is within me, and that belief still grows everyday, as He constantly watches over me.
Then one morning about 2 years later, I woke and I felt as though the bottom fell out of my world. I got very ill, the majority of the illness took place in my "mind". My body began to do and react in ways that was foreign to me. I could not focus, I became very fearful of everything, closed in spaces, wide open spaces, driving, sleeping, not sleeping. I had a terrible foreboding feeling all the time! I was heading for a deep dark depression and did not think that I could stop it. GREAT FEAR set in!! We must remember the scripture about "Fear, doubt and unbelief", they work together and feed from each other.
I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride. I felt like that ride they have at Six Flags, with the parachute, they would lift you hundreds of feet in the air and then just drop you!! Sometimes I would feel like a lava lamp, where the fear and anxiety slowly but surely creeps up on you and you can feel it happening, but can't do a thing about it. I was going through a new thing!
I went for two solid weeks and did not sleep more than 15 minutes at a time. I lost 30 pounds very fast. Test after test and they could not find anything physically wrong. I was simply diagnosed with anxiety; panic attacks and depression. I remember one Doctor wouldn't even look me in the eyes, he was so tired of my office visits. So he just finally gave me medications that would only cause me more problems later on. He could not help!! The prescriptions, well they just made it far worse. So much so that now, not only was I not able to sleep over 5 to 15 minutes at a time, but I was now having horrible, terrible dreams and I began hallucinating whenever I was finally able to sleep. My body would literally jerk so hard at night while sleeping it would wake me. My body reacted like someone had shocked me. My life had changed!
I was so scared, and I was afraid to tell anyone, for fear that they would think that I was really mentally ill, afraid of the fear, afraid of my own thoughts. I felt FEAR grip me at many levels. It was the most paralyzing thing I have ever felt!
"If you believe in God Winnie why didn't you pray and ask for help?" I did,,,all the time, I played christian music, I prayed while I tried to focus and clean house, or bath or cook, or just relax...I remember one night I was having a terrible time, I was wandering around my house outside and just fell to my knees and cried out to the Lord for mercy and help. I cried until I could not any longer. I want you to understand so that you know I have been with the LORD!
This was one of the hardest times of my life and I could not seem to sense the presence of God. I had always believed that God was my healer, but I was so sick; I had fasted and prayed, I had done all I knew to, and still I was no better, so I continued to take yet another medication I was given, and at least was not having the hallucinations. I continued to BELIEVE GOD! See, once you are born again, there is something deep down inside you that just "Knows", it is in a place hidden from the enemy and it is just a knowing, God will bring you through, you can't see how, but HE will bring you through. It's the inner man in us, that spirit that we have been born again with, and with that is the power of God that works on the inside of us to keep us. He is with you in the fire. This is a Spiritual walk! You have to know God for yourself! All that can pull you through is Your Faith in GOD!
Of course the Lord healed me and was with me all the way through that time. And when I came out from under that black heavy cloud, I had to repent, I had to ask God to forgive me and thank Him for His forgiveness. Then I had to work through the process of forgiving myself...that was a little more difficult because I felt I had grieved the Holy Spirit of God. I knew I was not suppose to fear anything because it is opposite of Faith,,,but I was horrified that I was losing my mind...The Holy Ghost spoke to me and helped me through all the months I was so sick. But I felt I was letting HIM down. Let' face it, forgiving self is very hard, but when we know our God and all that He has done for us, it becomes very do-able.
Light dispels darkness! I am an over comer so are YOU! Through Christ Jesus and His shed Blood!
I have been sexually abused myself personally and all 3 of my children, physical, mental, emotional abuse, manipulation, being controlled and bullied are a few of the things I personally have experienced in my life. And through it all I have learned how to Forgive, but only by the Grace and Mercy of My Father the Lord Jesus..... I needed a lot of forgiveness from the Lord and others....He has shown me the Clear Path to do that...and it is wonderful! I hope my story can help the one reading this, or that you know someone that could benefit from it....you are welcome to share! God bless as you read.....
We Win!
The enemy loses
Remember one thing: We are not under the law of Moses, we are under the New Covenant Law, with better promises. Jesus said that He gives us a New Commandment, Love the Lord with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself. In doing this we fulfill ALL the new law of Life. Now in the old testament they had fear all the time; "Don't do this, you can't do that, don't go there, you can't be here, you can't eat that, can't wear that". They had over 600 commandments, and if you broke only "ONE", you were guilty of breaking them all. You were stoned to death for some. So they walked in fear allot.... Today we are "FREE", from those laws, Jesus took our sins, we are bought with His Shed Blood, and no one can take us out of His hands. He forgave us much, even knowing that some would reject Him. Once we are born again by His Spirit, our eye of understanding is opened.
Colossians all 4 chapters!
After the Lord moved us back home I realized I had learned much while in the wilderness for 12 years...it was a place of training for me. I knew in the city that we lived in for that time, I knew I was sick, I knew He was my healer, I knew I was healed, I knew I still felt the sickness, but I still felt I was letting Him down. There were times when I asked why Lord, most of the answers came after I moved back home. But, He did reveal to me most of my questions.
To this day I still find that forgiving is a daily walk, it's daily that I have to check myself. I am learning to forgive immediately, and if it doesn't work that way, then I ask the Holy Ghost to help me! There are some people that are going to be a bit more challenging than others,,,Jesus did say "If it is possible be at peace with all". So He knew we would face some tough situations. But, we must let go of pride and just Forgive,,whether they forgive you or not, forgive everyone everything and go forward!!!
I hope that you enjoy this site. I pray it helps you in whatever area you need help in! I know one thing...if you are here it is because the Lord Himself guided you here by His Spirit. So stay awhile, relax, read and enjoy! Be sure and drop me a note.!
God bless you and remember,,"there is NO condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus"
We can be Free of fear and we are Free to Forgive!
Colossians all chapters
2 Tim 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, but of love, and of a sound mind.